A Long 24 Hours

As many of you know, I met my biological family for the first time last Wednesday. It was probably one of the most awkward, touching, and wonderful experiences I've ever had. Here is the entire story for those who are interested (it's still a little rough, so I'll be editing it later):

First off, I was lucky enough to get both Wednesday and Thursday off from my school. Because of the second grade final test schedule, I was only required to teach one class each day. I told my coteachers about my predicament and so they were kind enough to take over my classes for me. I have really amazing coteachers by the way.^^

So Wednesday morning my host mom drove me to the train station and I caught the 10:50am train to Seoul. It took about 3 hours to get to Seoul Station, where I met my friend Amy (another ETA). She's an awesome friend, and was concerned that I would be in Seoul alone for the night and so offered to accompany me in the city. I warned her that this may be an "anything goes" situation and she was prepared for that. I am grateful for her friendship.

We dropped by Lotte Mart so I could grab some juice (I planned on bringing a pound of chocolate and some juice to the Holt office as a gesture of appreciation). After, we grabbed a motel room in the Sinchon (신촌) area so that I could be relatively close to Hapjeong Station, where Holt is. I managed to choke down a couple of triangle kimbaps, brushed my teeth, and left for the office.

My meeting was scheduled for 4:30pm, where I would tentatively meet my mom, my aunt, and my grandmother. I managed to get horribly lost on the way to the office, had to ask for directions, and finally got pointed in the correct direction. I was definitely running late at that point, and was a little worried that my family would think I backed out. But low and behold, I finally got to the office (out of breath from walking fast and carrying that chocolate and juice with me).

I was immediately met with one of the Holt social workers, Yoon Joo, who has been extremely kind and patient during this entire process. She brought me into another room where just my mom and aunt were waiting. At first sight, I didn't know how to react. They were simply two strangers in a room that I happened to share the same blood with. But then as soon as they hugged me and I heard the words, "미안해," (I'm sorry) they started to cry, and so I started to cry. I told them it was ok.

We sat down and they told me that I look a lot like my sister. They showed me a picture of her. She's about 23 right now. They haven't told her or my mom's husband about me yet. They plan to tell them both at the end of the month. However my mom's entire family knows about me. My mom studied my hands and said they felt just like my sister's hands. They told me that had my aunt had a job when I was born, things may have been different. She owns a hagwon (학원 or private institute) now and so it appears that money is not an issue for her. My mom is the head cook in a restaurant.

They told me that they wanted me to come to 청주 (Cheongju), where my family lives, and spend the night there time permitting. I was hesitant at first, since Amy had gone out of her way to come to Seoul. But because of the look in their eyes, I couldn't say no. We at dinner near the office, where a volunteer translator accompanied us. She's a junior in college, majoring in English. She was super nice and I'm really happy that she was our translator for the meal. We ate grilled beef, along with the normal variety of banchan (반찬 or side dishes). As I ate, my aunt was staring at me from across the table. It was touching, b/c she was watching me in awe, but I felt a little self conscious. They were delighted with the way I was eating, b/c my manner was very Korean.

After we left the restaurant, we got into my aunt's car and drove to Sinchon, where I grabbed my clothes and informed Amy of my soon-to-be departure. On the way to Cheongju, my mom was on the phone calling relatives. She kept saying, "진짜 예퍼!!!" which translates to, "She's really pretty!!!" I held my mom's hand, and for you that know me, know that I am not a super touchy feely person, so this was both endearing and horribly awkward. At one point she was fixing my hair, but it got caught on my freshly pierced ears, and so in Korean I had to explain that b/c I had just had them done that she be careful since they still hurt. The drive took about 2 hours, and felt very surreal. My brain couldn't quite comprehend being in the car with women I've wanted to meet my entire life. It was raining that night and so despite the extraordinary circumstances I still managed to fall asleep in the car.

We got to my grandparents' house just after 9pm. We picked up my aunt's neighbor's daughter on the way b/c she was able to act as a translator for us. She's studying pharmacy in Sydney right now and so her English is really good.

My grandparents are in their 80s and are adorable. My grandmother is missing her left arm, but she's a totally able person and strong as a horse. She kept patting my head, but it felt more like she was hitting me. My grandfather apparently had a dream the night before about catching a giant fish and in Eastern culture that symbolizes wealth or good fortune. He kept talking about the fish and making a gesture with his hands denoting its size. It was really cute. He also said that he's only cried twice in his adult life, and earlier in the day was one of them. Both of my grandparents told me that they were sorry as well and continued to tear up.

My aunt's husband and two children joined us for a little bit. She has a girl in second grade middle school (same age as my students) and a boy in kindergarten. They were both a little shy b/c they had to speak English with me. (all Korean students are shy when it comes to speaking English) The boy was all over the place and couldn't sit still. He's sooooo adorable. And my girl cousin looks a lot like me when I was younger. As they were going through the photo album I gave them, they pointed out that in my pics as a younger child that I look similar to her when she was in elementary school. My aunt was dating her husband at the time when I was born, so they told me that he has been waiting a long time to meet me. He couldn't speak much English, and so he sat there with a giant grin on his face, and said to me, "DNA! Same same!!"

Eventually my aunt and her family had to leave. They left behind my girl cousin however to fill in the role as translator. She nearly flipped out, but calmed down after they left. She left to go home after another hour or so. Then it was just my mom, my grandparents, and me. We had to stay up to wait for another aunt who was on her way (the youngest of my mom's sibblings). She finally arrived around 1am, and she was so overjoyed to see me. She said that they have all been waiting to meet me. She held my hands and spoke Korean really fast and passionately as her eyes welled up with tears. I probably only understood 30% of her words, but I managed to get the gist. We sat up chatting until well after 2am. My mom, my aunt, my grandmother and me were on the living room floor getting all emotional. My grandfather was really tired and so tried to go to sleep before us, but was feeling restless and so attempted to aid his sleep with soju. My family told me the next day that he couldn't sleep b/c he kept thinking about me all night.

Before going to bed I showed them the translation that my coteachers helped me with. I basically told them that I came to Korea b/c I wanted to meet them; that I am thankful that they took my future into consideration; and that despite being happy in the United States, I have thought about them my entire life. Eventually my head started to hurt b/c it was late and the amount of Korean that had passed through my brain had hit its limit. I slept in the same bed as my mom and she held me for awhile. However we had a giant heating pad under us and so I inevitably got really uncomfortable (and b/c I was essentially cuddling with a stranger). And then I got stressed out b/c I didn't know how to emphasis the fact that I was warm, and not make her think that she was making me uncomfortable. She also snored a little, so I didn't get the best night's sleep. And as a side note, us sleeping in the same bed isn't that strange, when you think about Korean culture. A lot of times Koreans will sleep side by side with their family members on the floor, like little bugs in a rug, all cozy on the heated floor.

The next day I awoke to my aunt saying something in Korean really loud and fast, to which my uncaffeinated brain did not respond well to. My grandmother and mom cooked breakfast and so we all sat on the floor and enjoyed the meal together. After we were done, my grandfather proceeded to pass me a wad of one hundred 10,000won bills (so the equivalent of $1000 cash). I told him I couldn't take it and that 2 of the bills would be more than enough. However he responded by telling me that he had missed all of my birthdays and holidays over the years and so this was to make up for that. He also said that basically his soul would hurt if I didn't take it.

My older aunt and our translator came over after breakfast. While our pharmacy friend was around we made sure to get in the more complicated conversations. I asked them how they reacted when they got the phone call from Holt. They told me that about a year ago my mom had actually started watching a program on television that adoptees go on to search for their parents. She started to watch it everyday, thinking that maybe I was trying to find her. Then one day she got a nondescript postcard that had a US address on it. She thought it was junk mail but for some reason or another kept it in her wallet. When she didn't respond to the postcard Holt sent, they emailed my aunt. I believe it was a nondescript email, informing her to call the listed number. My aunt had no idea who it was, but when she called and heard that it was Holt, she nearly froze. She informed the rest of my family and my mom spent a whole day crying with my grandmother. They said she was shaking the entire time.

They asked me how I dealt with my teenage years. I told them they were a little rough, that my parents and I fought a lot but that we were fine now. I assured them that I made sure my grades didn't drop b/c I knew well enough that that was my only ticket to college. My mom apparently was a good student up through middle school and then began to stray in high school and actually never graduated. Hence they were worried about me.

My mom is definitely more reserved than her sisters. My younger aunt told me that my mom has a hard time expressing her feelings and so she wanted to make sure that I knew how she was feeling. She went on to say that when my mom was younger she was very expressive, but after her teenage years she closed up. Maybe b/c of what happened with me. And so she suggested that maybe if I spend enough time with her, that she would open up again and become a more outwardly happy person. That's a lot of pressure right there.

I explained the nature of the Fulbright ETA program to them and told them that there were ETAs in Cheongju. They asked if it was possible for me to switch from Gumi. I told them that that was not possible. They then proceeded to explain that contracts in Korea are more malleable than those found in the United States. I then explained at length my commitment to my homestay, my school, and my students, and that even if I could transfer, I would chose not to do so. They understood my reasoning, and so asked me if I would consider extending my time in Korea so that I could live with them for even just a short period of time after my grant year ends. I told them that I would probably do that.

My mom's entire family has known about me all this time, but her husband and daughter (so my half sister) do not. She plans on telling both of them later this month, and I will be tentatively meeting my sister next month, depending on how it goes.

Eventually my extended family left and all that remained was my mom, my grandparents and me. We went out to a seafood restaurant where I had to prove that I could eat a substantial amount. My family is concerned b/c I've lost weight, and so I had to convince them that I do indeed eat a lot. I've actually lost about 8 pounds since coming to Korea, and so they were worried that I was too small.

After eating a lot of raw fish, I grabbed my things and parted ways with my grandparents. I got in a cab with my mom where we got dropped off somewhere and then got into some man's car. I still don't know who the man driving was. We drove for about 30 minutes to get me to the nearest train station. I was drowsy of course, and so my mom had me sleep on her shoulder. She bought my ticket, handed me a check for 200,000W, and waited with me on the platform. The man had been waiting inside with us but didn't follow us outside.

After I got on the train I started to cry. I tried to hold back the tears but they just kept flowing. It had been a long 24 hours.